Tell me how many times you have to “swipe left” until you have a real healthy relationship? I’m going to talk about how the concept of love and respect has been mixed up with superficiality and contempt. Welcome to the “human menu” where you can swipe right for all your instant needs and swipe left for your self-esteem. The old saying rings perfectly here –
“If your boat doesn’t float, nobody will want to sail across the ocean with you.”
In other words it all starts with you, or better saying – the way you treat yourself everyday. I mean put on the table all the words you’ve been saying to yourself and the actions you’ve been taking from that. I’m going to tell you: it’s brutal! Be honest right now and recognize that you haven’t been loving yourself like you could. And how da heck would you know if you’re loving yourself or not? Take a good look around you and acknowledge how the people in your community have been treating you. Think about your parents, closest friends, acquaintances, significant other, your colleagues from school/work, your roommate(s), your neighbors maybe… It could have been better, right? So what’s the 7 mistakes in this picture? The truth is that the relationships you have mirror the way you treat yourself.
Have you ever put some attention on your values and beliefs? Have you ever asked yourself how would you like to be treated? Or how would you like to be respected? Have you ever thought about the meaning of boundaries? Have you ever thought that you have the right to choose how people treat you? If you started thinking about self-esteem we’re on the same page. This subject is vast so I’m gonna cut to the chase and say that everything started when you were a little baby and since then you grew up watching the way people have been relating to each other. No doubt you took that whole model and dressed up like that outfit was tailored for you. Then there was the kindergarten, and after high school, college and the models were being layered with the feeling of not being good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, thin enough, rich enough, cool enough, and ultimately that you don’t belong… Year after year you’ve learned how to be a good son/daughter even when you were struggling to find your own voice. You learned how to do good for others even though deep inside of yourself there were nothing less than the feelings of insecurity and emptiness. In a sense this is the story of all of us. Like a mirror, our relationships tell a lot about us – leaving yourself aside to help others; to be accepted; to belong; to have your worth validated. So then you go from one relationship to another (swiping right endlessly) without never putting yourself first, being heard, respected, appreciated or LOVED!
One day this painful cycle has to end and the only person accountable for it is you. And you can start flipping that script right now. I love to think that we can change our lives completely because there’s no law or regulation in the world stating the opposite. So what I’d like you to do is beginning with the place you are right now, for instance, your home; and take out all the things you don’t like or that bring bad memories to you. Donate, recycle, do something, but start with your environment. Organize your cabinets, closets, go to the places you stay most of the time and just in case you have food from last night laying down on your coffee table… you know what to do. Out! By cleaning and organizing your place you are opening space for good vibes, and you’ll get to know your daily habits accurately. It really gives you a good idea of the things you can change in your routine to make you feel better about yourself. Once your homework is done, take a good look at yourself in the mirror. And it doesn’t matter your feelings at that moment, start saying to yourself I love and approve of myself. Put that affirmation on repeat night and day till you believe and that will be part of you -“Fake it till you become it.” Trust me, it works wonders! Or at least it’s a great direction to take.
The best way to have healthier relationships and take over the world is by establishing a conscious relationship with yourself. Next time he or she takes forever to answer your text message you already know what to do: Unmatch!
Put yourself first.
*Although most people think that self-help books are shallow, there’s always something there that can help you see things from a different angle. Right now, I’m reading a book I read many years ago and is one of my favorites when it comes to Self-Esteem. It’s called The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem and it was written by Nathaniel Branden – best known as the Father of that concept.