One Love

A couple of nights ago I had a vivid dream with one of my greatest idols – Mr. Robert Nesta Marley. That night I watched a documentary about his life on Youtube and went to sleep. I remember getting surprised by all the things he have done in life – all the places he performed, the number of albums he recorded and how involved and committed he was to his Life Purpose.

Needless to say I love his songs and that deep connection comes from back in the days when I used to listen to his songs on Buzios Radio Station on the way from Cabo Frio to Buzios, in Rio de Janeiro, to be more exact. I was such a fan of that radio station that one day I asked my parents to take me there, I guess I was 11 or 13 years old back then.

After watching that documentary, I went to sleep but woke up at 6 AM out of a sudden as if I was waiting for something to happen. I fell asleep again and went to meet Bob at the exact time of his passing. It wasn’t exactly like what happened to him, because at that time he had his head shaved due to the chemotherapy he had to take to fight a type of cancer he carried for years. The Bob I saw in my dream was in his home, surrounded by his friends and family, with the dread locks we see on the pictures and he was smiling very peacefully. During that dream I could touch his hands that were resting on top his chest and instead of feeling a cold hand as expected, I felt an immense warmth coming from his hands as if he were there fully alive.

And he is. I understand now how important the rite of passing is to comprehend and accept the cycle of life; so we can let go of the past and be open and active in the present moment. Through that dream I also understood that when we live to serve others our actions become eternal. Bob Marley built his career and his life for the purpose of unifying people and races, and the reality in which we live nowadays makes his purpose more vivid than ever before. That also makes his music more alive than ever. He continues to live every time we sing and dance to his creations. More than ideas and intentions what really transcends time and space are our actions of service to others.

— How can I serve you better today? —

While I was writing this article a friend of mine called me from the East Coast and we had an amazing conversation about connection. Life has its unique way to bring us a lesson and shower us with love and compassion (unexpectedly). Be open and receptive to the gifts of life, I cherish my dream with Bob as I cherish the conversation I had with my friend, there’s no separation – One Love!

If Life Gives You Beets…

Natalia Fogarty @vigour8

Today after watching the 3rd live masterclass about becoming a successful writer hosted by Reid Tracy (Hay House CEO), I’ve decided that it was about time to make a little update on my website and share some of the recent ideas and insights I’ve been gathering from the past few months. So after adding the contact form here I felt like writing about something fun that happened to me yesterday. It was when I looked back to the date of my last post I did here that I realized how long it took for me to sit down on my chair again and just write. (sigh)

It doesn’t matter how much you think you know about something – let’s say a subject or how you mastered your skills and abilities for your job; your background; or even how good you think your are with life, relationships and so on; and even how much you have had worked on your intentions towards ‘a goal’ – life never stops on surprising or challenging us to learn something new or to say the least to dig deeper in every lesson we think we learned. One thing I know is that I know nothing, really(!)

During my whole life (and I’m 40 now) I danced with the music; I took the chance (many of them actually); I did the best I could with what I knew and I had in any given opportunity by being present in the moment – listening to others; observing the environment; feeling the energies around me; always questioning everything; by actively participating; by being there fully… Looking back to the courses I took; the places I went; the things I did and the people I met; It comes to my mind that I never felt unnoticed – that my presence was never unfelt. The feeling I get today is that by looking at my past I was there all the time waiting for the next opportunity or something better for me. But just a week ago it occurred to me that I was wrong the whole time.

I was waiting for the next opportunity or something better for me, but life is really about what we make off of it, and not by what happens to us. I know it sounds silly like a self-help saying kind of thing, but seriously it’s not about the new opportunity; the next course; the next diet; training; meeting; reading; therapy; power affirmation and so on. It’s not about that, but surely it is all about the small steps we give day after day towards that one goal. We live in a society that praises success over effort, as if it were something that you could do quick and easy like a snapshot. And with all the social media frenzy we couldn’t think any different than that.

Funny fact it’s been close to one year now that I’ve been having many setbacks, I mean I invested my intentions, time, energy, actions and money on a dream that never came true without even noticing I surrounded myself with all sorts of illusionary ideas and crutches to keep me distracted from what I should have done since I got an insight almost 3 years ago. I don’t even wanna go that far to talk about how much we sabotage ourselves to prevent our dreams to come true. So here I am after that realization doing what I should do – writing about my journey of self-realizations, sharing with you my thoughts, the lessons I learned, to motivate and inspire you to be better than yourself so you too can inspire and motivate others through your own experience, realizations and successes.

Aside from the articles I wrote for my website, I’m also giving the first steps to writing a book for kids. And this is a joyous journey I’m learning to embrace, accept and allow to happen as the author of that story – one paragraph at a time.

So what about the beets mentioned in the title? Try not to laugh, but I’m really bad at cooking, and I was “left home” with a couple of beets and some other legumes in the fridge and for me they all look the same with a different name (so you know who’s NOT gonna be the next Master Chef). Aaaand, instead of throwing them in the trash, I was like ‘let’s see what I can do with them’. Little did I know, after a quick search on Google I found out a catchy recipe of a beets burger(!) No joke. Seriously, if there’s something I could never imagine doing in my life that was a hamburger made out of a single beet. And if that thing can look good and be delicious – OH-MY-GOD! Talking about dreams unfulfilled and goals to achieve, that was the boost I needed to just start writing again. Anything is possible if we just go there, pull up our sleeves and get dirt, hesitate, keep on doing, trying, doing again (even though you don’t know the results), and just trust the process than BOOM! The most delicious recipe, book, project, workshop, trip, new job, can happen just before your eyes and actually look so ‘yummy’ you can’t wait to do it again and share it with everybody you know.

It took me almost one year to start writing my book again and I really don’t know how I’m going to publish it, till then I’ll keep on writing, cause the worst thing we can do is not believing that dreams can come true and not working to make them happen.

*If you liked my article and would like to get in touch with me, please leave a comment bellow, send me a private message if you like and become my friend on my social networks. I’m just warming up, and I don’t want you to miss the feast. =)

Love,

Natalie

Photo: Os Segredos Veganos de Isa (livro)

Be Yourself | Embrace your shadows

Today was one of those days I woke up not feeling at my highest good, and that’s absolutely normal, right? As human beings we go through so many things during the day, that it’s completely ok to experience low energy or uncertainty once in a while. But today I felt something different in the air, I even got a phone call from an acquaintance willing to share his observations, his thoughts on how people are behaving on their social networks.

He mentioned Facebook and Instagram to be more specific and how people are doing whatever it takes to get more likes or calling attention to themselves. That’s not news for any of us, we know that “getting likes” on social media is the new drug. Amongst with drinking, shopping, gambling, doing drugs and smoking, expecting to be liked and “celebrated” on these social networks apparently make people feel worthy, loved. There are also scientific researches that show that our brain reacts the same way by doing drugs or getting likes. No joke.

Can you see the gap here? The reason why people are looking for validation on their social networks is mainly the same as doing drugs: because they are feeling lonely, empty inside, and now you can add on top of that the fact that the life they have been creating on their virtual world doesn’t represent who they really are. Take a deep breathe now. Ya… it’s that bad. There are 6 billion people living on this planet and even nowadays when there’s no walls between different cultures, there’s no separation between people, if they really wanna communicate with each other there are many different ways to do that and there’s still people feeling lonely, empty and rejected.

Apparently our education wasn’t enough to provide the life of our dreams, our dream job is not what we believed to be, our relationships are somehow fading away, religion has betrayed our faith in the name of controlling, status and fear… So what lasts for us?

***

I strongly believe that the best days of our lives are when we look at things and can make the most of what we already have. Our existence on this planet is based on duality: sometimes we feel really creative and happy but then suddenly doubt and fear arise. And because we weren’t taught to appreciate and celebrate our own darkness we feel that we are lost, not good enough, or that we don’t fit in. But our sadness, our loneliness, our doubts lead us to find another exit door, to create possibilities, to go out, then we connect and then here we are: happy again.

By experiencing our bad times to the fullest we allow ourselves to find the best of us that is underneath the surface. In the end of the day what really works for us to thrive is allowing our darkest moments to happen. Embrace your shadows, validate your feelings, cry if you will, curse, scream, let it out!!! Then feel the complaisant sound of your heartbeat reminding you that life happens in every heartbeat, every breathe you take, every blink of an eye, every sound outside.

Go out, trust Life, there’s always more for you, there’s always a miracle outside. What’s next? ✨

I’m at peace with myself and I accept that there are gonna be good and bad days, and beyond that everything is always well. I am safe.

Let’s look around us for a second and see that there’s more people out there suffering. What can you do today to reach out for the ones that are in need?

Our very purpose in life is serving others, I know you can go out of your sadness and make a diference to the world. Just be yourself.

Image Addiction – III

You have to look within yourself to find God. – (Natalie Betito – TLC/Thoughts)

Continuing the content I’ve been sharing on my last 2 posts, I guess that we almost start to naturally ask the following questions to ourselves: – In a society that does not cultivate hope or faith, who’s gonna be the new Guru? Who’s gonna save us?

The other day I was chatting with a friend of mine about who would be the new guru of our generation and we were reflecting on how many motivational speakers have been appearing since the 80’s. They became more famous now due to the social media, but they were always there with their powerful speeches, challenging people to do the impossible and even selling a dream.

Of course you already have watched the movie The Secret or even had read the book under the same name. For sure you know who Deepak Chopra is or at least had already heard about the book The Power of Now written by Eckhart Tolle. But you know what, none of that literature or movie can do much for you. For sure they are inspiring and can bring something new to your thought, but in fact your attitudes are your “saviours” and  actually are gonna bring a new light for you.

And I’m very sorry to say that, but it won’t be through the lens of your iPhone that you’re gonna find yourself, find your peace of mind, the feeling of contentment, faith or hope. I like what was posted on the Dalai Lama’s Facebook page these days:

“It’s so important to cultivate an attitude that allows you to maintain hope. Hope can make a great difference to how you responds to problems and difficulties. The most fundamental aspiration of all human beings is to seek happiness, to overcome suffering. You may go to bed at night confronted by many problems in your life, but it’s hope that motivates you to get out of bed and carry on with your life next morning.”

Only through your inner-journey of self-realization you’re gonna be able to find happiness and joy. And for that maybe you’re gonna have to do all the things you’ve been avoiding or delaying lately like meditating, spending some time with nature, going out to meet new people, changing your diet, hearing new songs, breaking your habits, going out of your comfort zone; challenging yourself, being vulnerable, daring to be your authentic self.

And if you are on the path of raising hope inside of yourself and wanting to see Life in a different color pallet, my suggestion for you is even more rad, I’d suggest you to gather with people that can add something new to your day, even if they look completely different from you, even if you don’t agree a 100% with them. These are the people that we have to surround ourselves with. Through our differences there’s more room to expand who we are, to try a new way of thinking, or even just to give ourselves a chance to appreciate and respect other’s peoples choices and opinions. And that’s ok.

Nobody needs to be like us, and it’s good to be around people that bring a new light, that can show us another way to look at things, these are actually the people that make us grow. And we need that more than ever before. Inside that space between you and another person lies the answers of all our questions: life and intent happen when we open the door and invite others to come in to our lives. (There’s no other way)

By connecting to others we create a powerful chain of energy that allow us to hear and be heard, to support and be supported, to love and be loved, to be happy and enjoy life as it is. So starting from today – what can you do to expand your Life and love who you trully are?

If you liked my Thoughts, please leave a comment. I really wanna hear from you.

Love,

Natalie

Image Addiction – Part II

“The real us is pure love and pure light, he said.”
(Dom Miguel Ruiz – The Four Agreements).

Continuing the last post Image Addiction – Part I (please read that post before this one) my thoughts on the “smoke” like it was described on the book above is that although we seem to be more obsessed with our self-image like in any other decade before, in my humble opinion that behaviour actually reflects our desperate need or our eagerness to hear, to touch, to feel, to listen, to have a proof that God really exists. How does that sound for you? Kinda weird, right?

I know I’m touching a sensitive point here, but all the technology in the world and the advances in the science field weren’t able to diminish our inherited discomfort, our anxiety, and our doubts whether there is a God, life after death, or what is this feeling of emptiness that’s been felt since we become know as “a modern society.” Do you feel that too? What could possibly explain the increasing number of suicide attempts in many different countries nowadays? Some of the celebrities we know that suicided had families, so the feeling of loneliness might not fit to our thoughts on this journal.

It seems that the only thing that actually had advanced in our society was the technology when it comes to cars, gadgets, electronics, construction and stuff, on the other hand us – as human beings, we’re still asking ourselves the same questions we used to do many centuries ago – Who am I? Why am I here? What’s the purpose of life? Does God exist? And if there is a God, why do so many people are in need?

It’s funny to think that even without our so called technology the ancient civilisations seemed to have everything that the modern society lacks. One of these things is called Faith. That small and humble word means a lot to our existence as human beings, without faith there is no place for hope, goodwill, trust, courage, there’s no place for creativity, there’s no place for love and therefore there’s no place for Life.

So how can we possibly talk about “evolution” if we think and behave in a way that shuts down or erase a big part of ourselves that is our Spirit. And I’m not talking about religion here, I’m talking about Spirituality, which is a totally different approach.

How can we possibly evolve as human beings if we are exchanging our spirituality to the thin layer of our bodies or to the new iPhone, to the newest fancy shades, or to the trendy clothes, the new eye lashes, the new lip plumper, to the new boat, car, appartment and on and on. None of all those things are “bad”, what I’m saying is that we hear more about the new “iPhone” than about what makes us feel good about ourselves; what makes us tick; what makes us more alive.

Are we living or experiencing our spirituality like we could? Or are we just using that as another platform to get more likes on our social media accounts?

* I’m gonna stop this thought here, because I really wanna hear from you. What do you think is going on with our culture that has been hurting us to the point where some of us are deciding to take out their lives?

* I’m gonna conclude my point of view on my next post. I hope you join this conversation, I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on it.

Love,

Natalie✨

Image Addiction – Part I

“I ain’t got nothing, but I look good.” (God’s Plan – Drake oficial video)

To open up this journal I’d like to start with a great excerpt from the book The Four Agreements written by Don Miguel Ruiz in 1997, that goes:

What created the harmony and space between the light and the stars in the Universe is Life or Intent. Without Life, the light and the stars could not exist. Life is the force of the absolute, the supreme, the creator who cares everything. (…) Everything in existence is a manifestation of the one living being we call God. Everything is God and he came to the conclusion that human perception is merely light perceiving light. He also saw the matter is a mirror – Everything is a mirror that reflects light and create images of that light and the world of illusion, the Dream, is just like smoke which doesn’t allow us to see what we really are. “The real us is pure love, pure light,” he said.

There is so much food for thought inside that small paragraph I’m gonna blend it all with what’s been going on in our society since the 40’s.

I’m beginning this thought based on the observed behaviour of the generations X and Y’s respectively, although we could have had the same misfits a few decades ago.

I don’t know how many of you had a picture in your mind of somebody taking a selfie when I’ve mentioned “generation Y” above. The other day I went to an event promoted by a famous brewery and I thought I had had entered a time machine that took me back to the 80’s. There I saw people dressing the same clothes, wearing the same colors, fabrics, patterns, and layers… I thought I saw that being trendy before the year 2000. I saw them holding beer cups and talking about nothing or even worse, starring at their cell phones instead. The music was from the 70’s which brought me a particular relief, but my inquiry kept on the same… And yes, I saw a bunch of them taking pictures of themselves at the parking lot when they were arriving at the event, then another picture holding the beer cup… Of course they took pictures of their shoes, their shades’ mirrored flat lens, their lipstick color and all together in a selfie. From their friend’s perspective on Instagram they were having fun at the event and they were “slaying. #lit #legit #swag”, right?

Wrong! It’s not about being their authentic selves and enjoying the great party that it was supposed to be, it was all about “checking in” and showing off how cool they were (for the people just like them or that are trying to be like them). That brings me to a brilliant conclusion: there were no difference between the people who actually went to the party and the people that stayed home that day. Probably the people that stayed home were enjoying the event more than the actual people that were at the party taking selfies.

Is that news for you? Well, I’m sharing from a very personal perspective here, I can’t record how many times I was invited to go out just to take pictures of the other person, and my answer to your question is  – No, I’m not a professional photographer. So what da heck is going on here?

Do you see where I’m going? I guess you’ve heard about the many losses by suicide we’ve had on the past week, these two people that committed suicide represented the American DREAM: they were all well educated, rich and famous. But what do they could possibly have in common with the “selfie generation”?

If you can, please read the third paragraph of this journal again.

I like that part that says “the world of illusion, the Dream, is just like smoke which doesn’t allow us to see what we really are. “The real us is pure love, pure light.”

Question: How can we see ourselves if the “smoke” that covers our light is celebrated and exalted by society?

How can we see ourselves (truly, madly, deeply) if the “smoke” is all there is? And it’s on the news, the cover of the magazines, is on the radio, is hidden behind the veil of our so called religion, our education, our culture, inside the school…

Can you guess what the “smoke” is?

*I’m gonna continue this journal to conclude my thought, but I’d love to hear from you. If you can, leave a comment bellow and invite your loved ones to this conversation.

Love,

Natalie

Relationships

img_0155Hi! Have you ever had to face a break up or a divorce? If you did and you’re still here, congratulations! You’ve got to the next phase of the game. It’s not easy to recover from heated arguments, slammed doors, abuse, rejection and unfulfilled dreams. It’s like having life’s route shifted without knowing where to go, and unfortunately there’s no Google maps to help you find an easy way. That’s – like everybody says – ‘when you actually grow’. Standing by the crossroads gives you the prerogative to choose: You can always be sad and regret and live in the past for a long time, or you can take the other route and risk finding your happiness.

If I could, I’d always encourage you to take the second route. In my case that’s like buying a flight ticket to the first place you see on the board. That place you’ve picked up will be like a mirror for you: you’ll have to figure out where to stay, where to eat, what the weather looks like, what kind of clothes you’ll wear, how the people there behave, and what their culture and habits are like. Most important of all you’ll have to figure out who you will be in that new place: the victim or the warrior?

In Dr. Patricia Allen’s book “Getting to I Do,” she explains how our relationships are designed based on the roles we play since day one when we met our partners. And she says nothing but the naked truth that we all want to avoid – the modern women wanted to play the men’s role without even asking for permission. In her book, she says that it’s ok if the man wants to be more ‘feminine’ and take care of the house, as long as he’s validated by his contribution and vice-versa. She affirms that in a relationship there will always be that partner that will be more logical whereas the other will be more emotional. One will provide and the other will nurture. Both roles are important in a relationship, but there has to be an agreement on the very first day on who’s gonna act like this or like that. Once these roles get blurred, confused or unclear, the battle starts to take place.

I’m still reading the very first part of her book and I already have a clear idea of what kind of relationships can survive the modern world. I risk to say that the relationships that thrive are the ones where not only men and women know who they are (or where they are in life), but most importantly: what they want from that relationship. On the other side of the coin, the relationships where each partner loves and respects themselves primarily tend to last longer with more quality of time shared. Since the very first kiss they speak their truths without fearing loosing one another; they know what they can build together by supporting and encouraging each other. Ultimately, they can see and appreciate each other for who they really are; and besides their weakness, deep within, they can still admire what makes them unique.

I’m not an expert in relationships. I’m just trying to understand why there are so many amazing people alone or getting divorced… My guess is that we’re still learning how to love ourselves.

If you’re going through this path of self-realization, my suggestion for you besides the book mentioned above, is reading another great book called “You Can Heal Your Heart” by Louise Hay and David Kessler. And if I may, I truly believe that the most important relationship we develop throughout our lives is with ourselves. And for that I’d love to be your tour guide on that journey. It’s never too late to start. Together we rise!

Natalie Betito

Talent Life Coaching

We Need To Talk (And It’s A Good Thing)

Screen Shot 2017-08-10 at 19.45.28

It supposed to be just a comment on a post on LinkedIn, instead it made me think of what’s going on with the way we communicate. The content was about what type of questions should have been asked for new candidates when they are applying for a job. The usual “What are your strengths and what are your weaknesses” type of thing should be banned from all recruiters’ interviews forever. Nobody would say something that could refrain their hiring after all. Instead, the interviewers should focus on the whole person in front of them and more importantly listening to what they say accurately. That way, are we really listening to the person in front of us or are we only reproducing our self-talk and filling out our own expectations?

The world today is full of so called Leaders or Motivational Speakers who talk like if they were actual leaders. Apparently talking about leadership or acting like one is trendy right now, but just by walking and talking like a leader don’t make you as one. In fact, where are the leaders in our organizations? Who are they? Is the owner of the company you work for a good leader? How about your boss? What are his/her qualities that you admire, if there’s one? What are the weaknesses they could develop to be better leaders? Are they listening to you?

Before digging in the last question, let’s go backwards and analyze how we normally think. Regardless of our social status, our salary or the work we do, we all tend to complain. And why is that? Usually we tend to address our complaints to the society, the politics, the economy or something abstract or intangible. We complain to get that feeling of “doing something right”, so we blame on what ever it is, or we make other people feel guilty to exempt our accountability on taking action towards something we should have been doing. By complaining we have the feeling that we’re doing something real when in fact nothing has happened. At least until now I have never seen nobody getting reacher by complaining about the economy.

When it comes to our leaders their first role supposed to be guiding the team. Instead of throwing a pile of work on each member and ask them to complete the job for “yesterday”, it would be very helpful to know what is the main goal the team should achieve. With that in mind it would be easier to understand the steps you’d have to take to get there. By knowing your strengths and your weaknesses in that matter for instance you could either correct your route or ask for help, if necessary, and do the same if somebody on your team needed you.

But let’s take a look at that scenario in particular: You got your boss’s commands and you felt uncomfortable with the task he/she gave you or you need more informations and resources to get it done. Before moving forward to the next step, the environment should have been opened for eventual questions, ideas, explanaitions, in other words – the leader (your boss) should be the first to promote a healthy conversation among the team to share the opportunity to clarify the directions (the strategy) inviting each member of the team to contribute with their own ideas on a safe place. Wouldn’t it be beautiful and simple if that happen? But why in the world this is not happening and in fact our “leaders” are firing people? Why nowadays people are more stressed than ever before with no time to listen to each other?

We need to talk, or better saying: we should’ve been able to express ourselves and communicate with each other on the same level of understanding in a respectful way. If you’re working for a company you don’t like, or for a boss that doesn’t listen to you and he/she is also a bad example of behavior, start making a list of the companies you would like to work for. The second thing is writing down why would you like to work for those companies (Are their values similar to yours?); third, how would you contribute to each company described on your list; and what are your core skills that could be applied to that job.
I mean be the first to stop complaining and take action towards your good. Don’t wait for the ordinary questions to get you to the position you wish to have, now it’s your turn to unleash the confidence and strength your have to be the leader you’ve been waiting for. We can always improve our skills, learn something new and break that negative cycle of thinking and be heard.

To start changing your thoughts and rewiring your brain to a new and positive reality give yourself some time to:

1- Laugh;
2- Cry on occasion;
3- Exercise differently;
4- Stretch;
5- Make exercise fun.¹

By doing that for 45 days you will lower your cortisol (hormone of stress) and increase your endorphin. That itself will release the pain or any other feeling that is refraining your confidence and creative power to flourish. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, or expecting your boss to change², you can start focusing on creating new solutions. In case you’re feeling unmotivated:

1- Apply to a new job;
2- Take the trip;
3- Buy the shoes;
4- Eat the cake;
5- Develop new skills;
6- Call an old friend:
7- Hug someone;
8- Love yourself.

It’s the right time for you to have a healthy conversation with YOURSELF and realize what YOU can do TODAY to get to YOUR goal.

Write a comment bellow (click on the title) or send me a message. Let’s talk about it.
¹ BREUNING, Loretta – Habits of a Happy Brain, 2016, Chapter 6 – page 148.
² BRAIKER B., Harriet – Who’s Pulling Your Strings?, 2004, Chapter 5 – page 56.

A Body In Motion Stays In Motion

C3045E8B-A9C5-4DC7-8661-64A41CF1F292

The other day I was chatting to a friend of mine when suddenly he said something that rang the bells in my mind. After months living on the mountains, far from the heat and the active life of San Diego, he's finally back to his home town. It is true that a good weather helps us workout more often that means going for a hike, a walk or a bike ride. But we can say that the majority of the people nowadays is too busy working extra hours seated in front of their computers and it really doesn't matter what type of weather they won't workout like they should.

If you are in this category of people I can only encourage you to start practicing a physical activity a.s.ap.. You don't need to sign up for a Crossfit boot camp right away; how about taking 15 minutes of your day to start stretching or maybe going for a walk?
Just by moving your body and releasing the tension between joints and muscles it is a good start already. You can always stretch at home or you can choose a type of training that you like. Day after day this simple practice can improve your habits and once you realize your body will be asking for more – "A body in motion stays in motion" - that means your metabolism keeps working even after training. Isn't it great? So here's the deal, first of all in order to change your habits you have to understand your body's needs.

My good friend and personal trainer, Pedro Brandão*, has a broaden view of physical activities, he says that "everything that changes our behavior consequently affects the way we move." He also explains that "the more we adhere to the modern life habits, the more we lose the ability or the capacity to move around." Based on his studies and professional background the logic behind every new training should be: assessing, rectifying and then strengthening, not the opposite.

For Brandão "It's more rewarding to practice activities that help us move our whole body integrally than targeting only one group of muscles." And he adds "When in doubt, it's better asking for professional support to help you recognize your body's needs, and not only doing what is trendy. Our daily life has changed our habits. Our habits has changed the way we move and the same happened to our posture. If we wanna have long lasting results we need to assess and workout accordingly to our needs on an integrative and safe way."

TLC_Healthylife

* Pedro Brandão works as a personal trainer at Reebok Sports Club in Sao Paulo (Brasil) and also at Evest Saúde. If you wanna know more about his work, take a look at his Instagram @pedroalexandre or visit evestsaude.com.br.

Be The Change

How many times you got caught up in a tough situation having to decide between being happy and making other people happy? Are you the “people pleasing” type willing to belong and be accepted by the entire world? Recently I started to reread a book I bought a few months ago called Habits of a Happy Brain. In this book the author – Loretta Graziano – describes what happens in our brain when the happy chemicals hit our system. If you thought about partying or eating a delicious ice cream, you are totally right about that, it happens that in time by overloading your brain with fake chemicals like sugar, drugs, alcohol and pills, one day it stops producing the natural substances that would trigger the felling of joy for another substance that we all fear of having: cortisol (the hormone of stress and pain).

It takes a waiting for an expected phone call, a last minute change of plans, a negative response to our expectations to our brains start to release all types of crazy chemicals that might affect our thinking, our decisions, our attitudes and BAM! once you realize it you’re paralyzed and upset just because of a single thought. But this considered “bad chemicals” exist only to protect you from potential threats, they kinda teach you a new lesson every time they strike your brain, and then you have the choice to follow through your emotions or be in charge of yourself.

Happy moments in your past connected neurons that are there, ready to spark more happy chemicals the next time you’re in similar circumstances. Unhappy moments in your past connected neurons that are telling you what to avoid.

But without even knowing what’s going on in your brain it’s almost impossible to brake the cycle and choose better. So here’s the deal: the trick is recognizing the situations that make you feel good and normally these situations involve releasing 4 hormones: Dopamine, Endorphin, Oxytocin and Serotonin. According to the book:

Dopamine: produces the joy of finding things that meet your needs – the “Eureka! I got it!” feeling.
Endorphin: produces oblivion that masks pain – often called euphoria.
Oxytocin: produces the feeling of being safe with others – now called bonding.
Serotonin: produces the feeling of being respected by others – pride.

To be able to produce happy chemicals more often the trick is renewing your brain (building new neurotransmitters or pathways) by feeding your brain with new experiences. That’s why coaches love to challenge their clients to push their limits, asking them to try something new and fun, I personally love doing that to myself also. Try going to a place you’ve always wanted to go but never had the courage to, start a new workout, have you ever had a band? You can do anything that seems crazy, sexy, cool and I promise that at least you’ll feel the dopamine flowing through your neurons, and it’s such a feeling! The more you do what you like, the more you enlarge your capabilities, you expand your potentialities and therefore you create new opportunities. Isn’t it amazing? We have all that we need inside of us already and it’s for free!

Focus on your own pathways
It’s easy to see vicious cycles in others. That’s why we’re tempted to take charge of other people’s happiness. But you cannot reach into someone else’s brain and make new connections for them, nor they can do that for you. If you focus on other people’s brains, you may fail to make them happy and fail to make yourself happy. Each person must manage his or her own brain.

Just in case you don’t know where to start, the receipt is very easy: exercise more often, call an old friend, meet new people, socialize, join a book club, volunteer, pumper yourself, start a healthy diet, declutter your place and your car, start a new hobby, paint, decorate, sing, practice a sport, a martial art, learn how to cook… do something new everyday! The idea is dusting off your brain and put it to work in your favor. Remember: When you blame the world around you, you become powerless, but when you put yourself in charge of your own choices, you become powerful and motivated to thrive. Choose for yourself, for your health, for your life, YOUR prosperity and realization.

See you around ;)

Awesomely Amazing

20160612_120247

“Hi! My name is (insert your name here) and I’m Awesomely Amazing.” Honestly, this should be the right way to introduce yourself in a A.A. meeting or in any other supportive group. Instead of telling everybody else that you are your addiction, these groups should encourage people to look ahead in life and help them detach themselves from their problems. A friend of mine once told me that the current way was just meant to address the problem, so then people would remind themselves that they have something to work on. From what I see, and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, we shouldn’t put on our problems like a second skin, but considering that it’s just a moment, an experiment in life, a stepping stone. If you could place your “problems”in a different perspective, it could bring more answers and understanding than not having a problem at all.

The other day I heard from a good friend of mine* a great story about self-improvement. I don’t remember if it was a real experiment or not, I know that it makes a lot of sense that’s why I’m sharing with you, so here it goes: One day a scientist decided to crop some bamboo trees inside a dome to see how they would grow in a controlled environment. The trees inside the dome were growing slowly compared to the trees in the outside. The trees inside the dome were withered, and their colors were opaque and lifeless. Thereby the scientist observed that the trees that were living outside, in the natural environment, were exposed to all sorts of weather (cold, heat, rain, storms, wind etc), so he continued with his experiment and paid close attention to the movement of the trees during these events, thus he realized that the trees were swinging from one side to another, dancing with the wind. Afterwards he decided to install a few blowers inside the dome to reproduce the same condition from the outside. After that the trees inside the dome begun to swing just like all the other trees outside, and because they were not static anymore, but trying to adjust, respond or survive those stimulus, they started to grow higher, radiant and stronger than ever before.

Our problems have the ability to show us another way out; to open up our minds; to change our belief system breaking down our mental patterns; to change our habits, and consequently to change our reality. So my question for you is:

 

Are you defined by your problems or are they just a bridge to your success? 

 

* I thank my friend Michael for sharing his time and knowledge with me. I feel really blessed by having the opportunity to make some time to listen and connect with real people. Put your cell phone down, go out, grab a tea or a cup of coffee and connect.

Welcome to Awesomely Amazing Group, my type of A.A. meeting. ;)

img_0113
Potato Chip Rock’s trail – 2015 – Together We Rise

All Atractive

img-20161105-wa0040

How many times you felt disrespected and rejected by somebody you care? How many times your messages weren’t answered or your needs weren’t met? Or in return you’ve heard an excuse, a lie, or the subject of the conversation suddenly changed while you were speaking? It’s time to acknowledge what is going on; what is making you feel uncomfortable; what is making you feel upset. If it happened with you, please don’t try to deny or lower the situation or even numb your feelings. If you felt disrespected, recognize what your body is trying to say to you and bare in mind what actually is causing those feelings. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step for healing.

How many times you heard people saying that in the modern world people are “too busy” and don’t have enough time for others? Everybody has “time” when they need something from you. You know that type of friendship, right? This is not the “modern world”, this is just people being people. I wouldn’t like to say that, but the majority of the people nowadays is a little bit off. We can also say that everyone is fighting their own battles; trying to make a living; and many other excuses to deny the fact that even though we all have access to technology, people are in fact completely disconnected.

In this unstable environment how can you expect to be treated well by somebody that mistreats / rejects him/herself? How do you expect to be treated by somebody who lives anxious, with fear, that just wants to protect him/herself from suffering? The settled distance, the lies and excuses they make are all bricks that built up the same shelter they are already living in. Who is more lonely?

In order to understand what’s going on let’s take a look at the causes. Recently I learned a great lesson I’d like to share with you:

Don’t take it personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. (The Four Agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz)

In other words, the best way to change the situation we don’t like is lowering our expectations on other people’s actions.
By paying attention to my feelings, studying and observing, I learned that

Only a healthy person can sympathize with other people’s feelings. And only a healthy person can reciprocate your TIME. 

tlc_nataliebetito3So, if for some reason you felt that somebody left you behind or disrespected you; I’d like to suggest you to do some research inside yourself and see if you are not living yourself behind as well. If our relationships mirrors who we are; what is bothering you the most in your relationships might be inside of you somehow hidden behind your own excuses. It can also be fact that you’re accepting less than you deserve as a matter of low self-esteem; or it can be the fact that you’re delaying to have an assertive conversation with the person you’re having issues.

What are your current thoughts? What can be changed? Look at all the situations that make you feel upset and ask yourself how can you learn from that? Is this the right time to have a good conversation to clarify what’s going on? Is this the right time to stand up for yourself, set up your boundaries / find new friends / brake up / move on? I’m sure that sooner or later that phone call you’re waiting for is gonna ring. What are you gonna do?

Before picking up the phone consider the following statement: It doesn’t matter what people say or do; what matters is how you choose to react and what you choose to believe about yourself.

A Thousand Miracles

img_20161030_221911

I’m gonna start asking you to count how many miracles you experience during a day. From the minute you wake up till you go to bed at night many things can happen in just one day. But what determines the outcomes derives from your thoughts, your intentions and mainly your actions. Let’s say that it’s your day off and you decide to stay in bed longer than you usually do, and at that moment when you’re not even awake or asleep you start paying attention on your thoughts. Most of them are just old patterns reflecting aims and needs from the past and right at that moment you have a choice: going back to sleep, going out of bed or just staying there ruminating.

It seems really simple and silly but it would be great if you could only answer the following question:

If you were free, if there wouldn’t be any barrier, judgment or critique, what would you change in your life?

Now that you are totally awake, after answering the question above I’d suggest you to start being thankful for everything you already have – it can be the fact that you have a place to sleep, food to eat, a place to take a warm shower, safety, and the ability to choose and decide what’s best for you.

20161105_125356This magic exercise will connect you with a positive and cozy vibe. Every time you are grateful and nurture a positive thinking you start opening up your life for significant miracles. I am not kidding! Pay attention to the messages you’re gonna get during the day, small gifts of nature like beautiful flowers or butterflies on your way, bright colors in the sky right above your head, a smile, a compliment, a phone call from somebody you like, a gift, an invitation, a calm and pleasant feeling of contentment, a job offer, a strong desire to do something new, you name it. And to be more specific now that you know what you want, you are grateful for everything you have and you already have a positive thinking, if you add a good intention and a feeling to it, it will bring you an emotion. Through that emotion, like happiness, love, satisfaction, pumping inside of you it will drive your attention to the present moment once again.

20161105_125509The next step is going out of home: go to a place you like, or that you have never been before, invite a friend if you can, go for a bike ride, take a walk, just breathe slowly, let this immense and fluid energy surround your body and cherish your heart with joy. There’s no need to go back to the past; no need to find get anxious about the future, no need to blame somebody else. In the present moment there’s only you and your choices. Choose to accept and be who you truly are in the moment, choose to see something good during the day, choose for things that will improve your health, choose to forget and forgive, choose to LOVE and be loved. Just by choosing goodness over your worries isn’t it a miracle itself?

Count the miracles you have during the day and share with me what did you experience and how did you feel about it. We can always make a positive choice. Start right now!

img-20161030-wa0021

Saboteur thoughts

20150201_163646

What an amazing day to start paying attention to our thoughts. Usually people realize the kind of thinking they have when they try to sit on meditation. But if you stop for a moment and be quiet you’ll realize that your mind is just like a TV show – with many guests, commercials and even bad news (specially bad news). It doesn’t really matter what goes on your mind, but it really matters what you do with these thoughts.

If you pay attention to each one of them, believing on them, and giving them a meaning, they will make your life a living hell, a horror show. You will start to create lines for a discussion that may never happen; you will feel the pain of an argument that may never occur; you will get divorced; fight; cry; suffer – on a hypothetic future that happens only on your thinking. And why would you choose to create this reality for yourself even for a moment, a second… Does it really worth it? If you could change everything and get a recipe for true happiness and peace of mind would you take it?

If your answer is YES, here’s the deal – the recipe for true happiness and peace of mind is:

1- Recognize the thoughts you usually have;
2- Write down each one of them on a piece of paper;
3- Acknowledge where those thoughts come from;
4- Are they your inner voice or they come from the voice of somebody you know (it can be somebody close to you);
5- Recognize what these thoughts say about your recurrent concerns, feelings etc;
6- Recognize how these thoughts are refraining you to have the life you always wanted to live; how they’re stilling your time and energy and finally how they are building the life you are living right now; the kind of job you have; the relationships you have with your parents, friends and colleagues;
7- Recognize how your thoughts shape who you are.

I’m pretty sure that the thoughts we have reflect the values and beliefs we were raised on. They reflect the way we experienced life on our early age. Our thoughts reflect our self-esteem and the way we relate to ourselves. Once you acknowledge that your relationship with yourself is not good, and you will notice that by paying attention on your level of energy, your weight, your emotions, your creativity, your relationships and so on. Every aspect of your life reflects the way you perceive yourself. Every aspect of your life reflects the thoughts you have and they tell a lot about you.

Change your life by changing your thoughts. Just for today every time that a bad thought pop up in your mind, let it go away and think something positive instead. You are in charge of your mind now. Choose your thoughts wisely and change the show.

Let’s start changing the world around us by changing our thinking. It all starts with us.

20160927_183242

How to start changing your life

20161010_181300

I'd like to ask you a question: How many times per week do you exercise? That New Year's resolution was only another wish on your list or did you really get committed to your goal? If the answer is: -"I'm gonna start exercising tomorrow", I wouldn't like to say that, but we have a problem. Procrastination is the new "pain killer", it doesn't actually kill YOU, but always keeps you on the state of "almost." It's funny to think that even the idea of exercising makes people feel even more lazy. But how to change that feeling? How can you start liking something that you hate even before doing it?

The answer for that question is exactly on the book called Presence written by Amy Cuddy. Cuddy is a Harvard Business School professor and a social psychologist and she studies how nonverbal behavior and snap judgements influence people. In other words, she knows what she's talking about. Behind the 344 pages of her book there's a significant discovery about how expanded postures can change the way we think and therefore the way we behave.

Do you wanna try something really new? Stand up and put your arms up in the sky, or your hands on your waist like Superman or Wonder Woman, stay there for a few minutes. Feel your feet, your legs and tights really firm on the ground, raise you head, expand your chest, breathe slowly; it's already a NEW YOU. On her book, Cuddy explains that whenever we do an Expansive Posture or better saying a Power Posing the levels of Testosterone increases while the Cortisol decreases. It means that you're likely to become more confident and take action than go to the couch and procrastinate.

A great way to remember to always practice Expansive Postures is by exercising. And the great thing is that you don't necessarily need to go to the gym, or sign up for a Crossfit boot camp, you can always start by doing something that you like. If you used to like playing tennis when you were younger, do it now. If you always enjoyed dancing, this is the right time to do it and have fun. The list of activities that you can try on today is endless: you can go hiking, or go for a bike ride, skating, surfing, roller blading, you can practice Yoga, Tai Chi, any type of martial arts, or play volleyball, soccer, football, basketball, paintball, swimming; or go to your devise and take a look on the latest videos on exercising available for free on Youtube or if you can, hire a professional that can create a workout routine combined with the right meal program for your needs.

You can change your thoughts, therefore you can change your life. Standing up from your comfort zone is the fastest way to get more energy, confidence and start living a healthy life. Do it today!

What is your door?

20160412_190103

On Saturday, October 8th, I went to the Convention Center in San Diego to a very special occasion. Louise Hay's 90th B-day celebration is still vibrating on my mind. Among the commercial aspect of the event, there were quite a few unique moments I'd like to share with you. One of them was presented by Robert Holden. Robert shared a story that happened with him and for sure could have happened to each one of us.

Do you know when you start to open up for life and suddenly you begin to get messages from the Universe, God or whatever it is that you believe? Some people call it coincidence, I call it a big subtle smack on your face. Every time our mind gets polluted by annoying thoughts, if you're willing to find an answer or a way for your life, the answer will be just in front of you, or better saying inside of you. But how can you recognize those signals? I wanna tell you my story.

About two weeks ago more or less I was at home and suddenly I started to be attacked by all kinds of negative thoughts, and they were all against me of course. You know those kinds of thoughts that bring you fear, insecurity, anxiety, shame, loneliness and sadness? Man… it's rough. If you give them attention and a meaning, they can really ruin your life for good. It was like a meteor rain on my mind and I couldn't recognize where they were coming from or the reason behind them. Out of nowhere (in my mind) I saw the image of a Lion running towards me (just for the record I wasn't high). The lion was running in my direction and he seemed to be calm, but still strong with a placid expression. If this story appears to be too crazy for you, I'd like to say that it was even crazier for me and it just gets better.

In a situation like that what would you do? I was like "what does a Lion has to do with all this thoughts?" so I did what everybody else in this planet would do – I've decided to Google the Lion(!) No BS, and there it was – a huge strong and powerful picture of The Lion of Judah, a.k.a. Jesus Christ. I just want to make sure you know I'm not Catholic, Christian or Jew. So it was a really good way to understand that whenever you're deeply connected with a positive feeling inside of your heart, there will be this amazing energy vibrating for you.

I don't even have to say that those thoughts disappeared, right? And every time they try to come back, I remember that beautiful and peaceful Lion running towards me. So as I was saying, during Robert Holden's speech, he shared his story and left us with a question: -"What's your door?" –  in other words – What frees your mind? What makes you stronger? What makes you believe on your own path?

20141213_124317

When do I know it’s time to ask for help?

20160928_183739

Last week I wrote an article about how to manage anxiety and be more present. And what called my attention was that on the following comments one single question brought up a humble but really accurate doubt: -“When do I know it’s time to ask for help?” My answer to that question was exactly this:

(It’s time to ask for help) when you feel powerless; when you don’t wanna socialize; when you realize your life is stuck and you can’t find a way to get out of that stage; when you don’t appreciate the things you use to enjoy; when you can’t control your thoughts; when you can only find reasons to complain; or when life is just boring. Everybody feels like this once in a while, but it’s important to acknowledge when these feelings occur and for how long do they last. Asking for help or better saying looking for a professional support always give us a new perspective; and sometimes just by having somebody focused on listening to us that encourage us to let out our problems can help us see that there are many other possibilities, in other words – verbalizing helps us listen to our own thoughts, our self talk and the concepts and beliefs that sometimes need to be changed.

The second question that is implicit here is “How do I know when I need a teraphyst or a Life Coach?”  A teraphyst will always look for the past occurrences and will try to find its roots to allow the client to get in touch with his/her own feelings, and through that the teraphyst will be able to guide the patient to a new understanding.  A coach will help the client see his/her life the way it is in the present moment, and this is gonna be the kick off to help the client visualize the big picture. Then the client will define the areas to be focused during the program and set the desired goals. So in a few words we can say that coaching is directed to visualize and understand the present moment to help the clients set and accomplish their future goals.

For example, let’s say you have a business you’ve been putting all your energy on but it doesn’t seem to grow; let’s say you have a relationship where the other person seems aloof to your presence; or maybe you’re just having problems to be understood by your peers. A coach can really help you find the balance you need to improve your life whether it’s a weight loss; increasing your energy; working on your self-esteem or even discovering a new ability, a new career, or the way I like to call it – your talent. There are many techniques and each professional designs his/her session based on his/her previous studies, references and professional experiences.

It’s always important to acknowledge that the client sets the pace for each session and he/she has to be accountable for their own gains; which means that to get the most of every session the client must be willing to commit to the program and do his/her homework everyday and that’s a lot of fun. There’s no such thing as hard work when you’re working on what makes you feel balanced, happy and complete. The old saying fits perfectly here: “If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.” Now instead of keep staring at your neighbor’s grass, schedule a consultation today and let me guide you towards your dream life. You may not need a big change in your life, but for sure there must be a few doors eager to be unlocked or a big dream to be fulfilled. Let’s get it!

Anxiety x Mindfulness

mindfulness

Recently I’ve been noticing that the word “anxiety” and “anxious” have been permeating most of the conversations I’ve been participating. For some people anxiety reveals itself as a form of unconformity or discomfort when something doesn’t happen as expected. Some people feel tired or sleepy, others feel their heart beating faster, some people feel shaky, others feel hungry, thirsty, agitated, confused and some even start feeling pain, not to mention migraine, stomachache, dizziness and nausea. In other words, this is the message that our body send to us telling (or sometimes yelling) that something is not going well and needs to be changed.
Anxiety has been considered the 21st century’s disorder. But why do we feel anxious? In the holistic medicine the root of anxiety lies on the feeling of fear. And the foundation of fear, in this matter, would be basically not being in the moment. If you stop everything that you’re doing right now and just breathe – inhale counting till 4 and exhale counting till 6. Stay still and be grateful for the air you breathe; be grateful for having a place to live, that you have something to eat… How does it feel? When we are in the moment we realize that we have more things to be grateful for than to complain about; we acknowledge our power to change the situations, and realize we’re able to find solutions, be creative and more opened for new answers and insights.

I really have to say something here – I’ve been hearing people say that they feel more creative and in the moment when they smoke weed, that they can think differently (of course, you’re high!). Excuse me, if you smoke weed everyday there’s no difference between taking a prescribed drug or getting drunk. Are you trying to fix a problem getting a new one? And by prescribed drug I mean opioids and all kinds of pain killers. This way you’re not mindful, you just found another way to scape reality, numb your feelings and don’t grow. With this have been said, we can’t change the past – our choices, actions and its consequences, but we can make amends with it and let it go.

One thing we can absolutely do, and it’s in our hands, is called the present moment. It doesn’t matter what kind of problem you’re facing right now, you can always change your outcomes. Imagine if a friend of yours call you telling the same story you’ve been complaining about; what would you say to your friend? What would be your advise for him or her? You can also start with a “to do” list of things that are doable. It doesn’t really matter how you’re gonna start, as long you start breaking your mental patterns right now and take action.

And if you realize you can’t do it alone, it’s perfectly ok to ask for help. I would start talking with a friend, or even looking for a group (I love the codependents anonymous); you can also go to a church, buy some books, call a therapist or a life coach. It doesn’t matter where or how; start right now!

The reality that sometimes hurts us and is heavy to carry on is actually the path to bring awareness and build a strong bridge to happiness and success. Nobody grows without taking responsibility over their own choices. So stop blaming on others (God and parents included); stop complaining, stop bothering; grab a pen and a piece of paper and write down the answer for the following questions:

What can you do today to start changing your life? (Write as many answers you can; don’t think too much, it can be anything)

Whenever you finish that list go to the next question:

What is gonna be the next step?

You can come up with 10 different answers, choose one that is doable today, then follow through. Make another list tomorrow. I’m sure you can do it. You’re accountable for your own life. You are your own best friend; treat yourself with love and respect and start changing your life now. At the end of the day you’ll be truly grateful for dominating your anxieties and fighting your own fears, and then you’ll be able to help the people around you effortlessly. Just give it a try.

Relationship Goals

relationship_talentlifecoaching

This week I posted a pool on Facebook asking my friends and followers about what subject they would like to read here on my website. The choices were: 1. Relationship; 2. Career; 3. Body Consciousness; 4. Spirituality; 5. Feng Shui and 6. Personal Fulfillment. As you can see the theme that always catches people’s attention is Relationship. Why? What’s going on with us? We can say that this is the first time in the mankind’s history that we’re undoubtedly close and connected. I’m not only talking about the digital media and its social networks, there are so many ways to get together and to be free to express ourselves… So what’s the problem?

Usually the complaints are the same:

My Relationships Don’t Work: They are smothering, absent, demanding, don’t support me, always criticizing me, unloving, never leave me alone, pick on me all the time, don’t want to be bothered with me, walk over me, never listen to me, and so on. (1)

I guess that he hardest thing for me during the process of becoming a Life Coach was accepting this simple statement:

What we give out, we get back. The Universe totally supports every thought we choose to think and to believe. When we are little, we learn how to feel about ourselves and about life by the reactions of the adults around us. Whatever these beliefs are, they will be recreated as experiences as we grow up.

So while you were just being a kid with no sense of what was right or wrong you were just absorbing the relationship models around you, little did you know that you would go through the same situations when you grow old. Does it seem fair to you? How can we break the cycle? How can we build a relationship that is really healthy for us? Not based on the past or in others peoples’ experiences?

I’ve been noticing a controlling pattern that permeates most relationships nowadays. It seems so difficult to accept the other person the way he or she is; to allow the other to do whatever they like or only to be themselves… We’re so close and connected but are we really listening to each other? Are we actually paying attention on the person that is in front of us or are we only projecting our hopes and dreams on the people around us? I’m so interested about this subject that I started reading a couple of books to help me get to a conclusion – take note:

1. You Can Heal Your Life – Louise L. Hay;

2. Taking Responsibility – Nathaniel Branden;

3. Ho’opononopono – Ulrich E. Duprée;

4. You Can Heal Your Heart – Louise Hay and David Kessler

5. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem – Nathaniel Branden;

6. Presence – Amy Cuddy.

What this authors talk about can be translated in only one word: forgiveness. The first thing to do in a relationship is first of all to forgive yourself; forgive the past – forgiveness means giving up, letting go. By taking responsibility over your choices and experiences in life you build your inner power, your posture will change, your thoughts will change. The choices you were used to make will surprise you by just stopping criticizing yourself and being your own coach. It might seem a little awkward in the beginning but try to repeat the following sentence: -“I choose to value myself, to treat myself with respect, to stand up for my right to exist.” How does it feel now? (5)

In his book “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” Nathaniel Branden says that self-acceptance entails our willingness to experience:

That is, to make real to ourselves, without denial or evasion – that we think what we think, feel what we feel, desire what we desire, have done what we have done, and are what we are. It is the refusal to regard any part of ourselves – our bodies, our emotions, our thoughts, our actions, our dreams – as aliens, as “not me.” It is our willingness to experience rather than to disown whatever may be the facts of our being at a particular moment – to think our thoughts, own our feelings, be present to the reality of our behavior.

According to Amy Cuddy on her book Presence the manifest qualities of presence are: confidence, enthusiasm, comfort, being captivating – the more we are able to be ourselves, the more we are able to be present and that makes us convincing.” 

Should I say that the people who are present are more willing to be lovable, accepted and belong?

People who have a solid sense of self-worth reflect that feeling through healthy, effective ways of dealing with challenges and relationships, making them both more resilient and more open. (…) A confident person – knowing and believing in her identity – carries tools, not weapons. A confident person does not need to one-up anyone else. A confident person can be present to others, hear their perspectives, and integrate those views in ways that create value for everyone. (6)

Long story short our relationships start within ourselves. Next time you start putting yourself aside to be accepted remember to take responsibility on your choices. Remember to be present. Put your cell phone down, face the person who’s in front of you; or either call the ones you care about. Our relationships mirrors the way we treat ourselves; be present in your own life, love and approve yourself, listen to your partner – connect.

I’m My Own Best Friend

By now you must be thinking that the title of this post is wrong, right? When I was 20 something I used to hear this song and sing it out loud with a good friend of mine. Boy we used to have a good time just by driving around the city and enjoying our time together… The irony was that both of us, me and friend, were struggling with our lives – trying to find the right “boyfriend”, the right job, the right… US! I can’t talk about my friend’s feelings, but I can share mine:

Back then, like the song, I was really trying to be “somebody else.” Do you know that feeling? When you don’t accept yourself the way you are? When you think that everybody else is better, prettier, smarter, thiner, richer and fun than you. Well, for sure there were a lot of people like that around me, but by not loving and approving of myself I let those negative thoughts invade my life and design my feelings. By having all those “saboteurs thoughts” I started believing them and actually I can’t say when exactly it all started… I guess we take the things we’ve heard from our parents when we were young, or we take the things we’ve heard during our infancy too seriously. So then we grow up and those phrases messes with our natural insecurities when we were teenagers and when you see it’s there – telling bad things about yourself that aren’t necessarily true. The thing is: day after day if you say bad things to yourself one day it becomes your reality so then your body starts to suffer the consequences of your mental patterns. This way you can start developing real pain and even illness. Isn’t it crazy? Who would’ve thought about that?

The good news is that there’s many people around the world studying how our thoughts can design our own perceptions and therefore our bodies and our lives. My favorite author of all times is called Louise L. Hay and this amazing woman is turning 90 years this year (2016). During her childhood and on her youth Louise faced all kinds of physical abuse and abandonment; she could have remained in pain and suffering through her life but instead she started studying the human brain and how to change our mental patterns. By doing powerful affirmations she says You Can Heal Your Life And you know what? You really can. I applied her method in me and it worked out amazingly. One day I started repeating to myself one of her powerful affirmations: – I love and approve of myself. I am safe. And just by doing that something wonderful started happening to me – besides of all my “defects” I actually started loving and approving of myself. How cool is that?

Once you acknowledge your saboteurs – the thoughts you have that say you are not good enough and that you don’t belong, you can promptly regain your inner power and come up with your own powerful affirmations. And it works wonders for you, trust me! By now I don’t wanna be nobody else but me. I accept my imperfections (cause in reality I can’t change them) and I’m really ok with that. I know I’m the best version of myself and I couldn’t be happier with WHO I AM. Honestly you don’t loose anything once you start saying good things to yourself. Just give it a try. I can say it’s a matter of time till you align your mental patterns with your words and actions, and when you get there is where the magic happens. Start today!

I love and approve of myself. All is well in my world. (Repeat it as many times you can day after day till it becomes your reality).

I really hope you start doing that and accept yourself the way you are.

Make this an amazing day!